Gabe hadn’t planned on calling Cassie. Sending a text, maybe. Checking to see if her number was still the same, possibly. But really that was it. He wanted to blame the finger slip on the various drugs coursing through his veins, but he knew that was untrue.
When it came to Cassie, Gabe had always had serious impulse control. Maybe that’s why their relationship had so many starts and stops over the years. He would be drawn to her, almost in a dream-like state, and then when he eventually came to, he’d find any excuse to leave. It was fear that kept him at arms-length from anything meaningful in his life, but he was still too young and too proud to admit that.
Still, when she actually answered the phone, he was as shocked as she was.
After his blowup with Jenna, Gabe retreated to his office that was in the back of their sprawling penthouse. It wasn’t an office in the traditional sense. He was pretty sure the computer he kept back there had stopped working years ago and there certainly wasn’t any recording equipment, either. It was merely a space for Gabe to go check out from his life, while being surrounded by the totems of a successful career.
Jenna sometimes used it as storage, so the entire room felt like a relic of castaways and dreams unfulfilled. He couldn’t even spot the Platinum record that used to hang proudly from the wall, but had been taken down when Gabe decided on a whim to paint the room a bright shade of red — like blood — but he never put anything back up on the wall after. It all looked rather sad, but it was a perfect place to brood, and in Gabe’s case, a perfect place to hide and do drugs without any questions.
He had found some shrooms from a vacation a few months back. Big Mike had gotten them from a Shaman who did tours in Joshua Tree and even a skeptical Gabe had been surprised by their potency. He couldn’t remember his exact trip, just that it had been very pleasant and he hadn't done any drugs for a few weeks after. Wanting to reclaim that high (but also being disappointed there wasn’t any coke around), Gabe thought the magic shrooms were the next best thing. He would lock himself in this discarded room of relics and trip. Just a typical Tuesday.
Once they started to take effect, Gabe couldn’t help but go through the items that lay at his feet, feeling a newfound love for each and every one of them. He found “Pretty Whiskey’s” first CD (yes, they made CD’s and wrote the title with sharpies back then) and miraculously found an old Sony Discman to put it in. As soon as the first track roared to life, he was transported back to college, back to the stage, back to Cassie. His vocals sounded good and stronger than they had been in years, but even he could hear the way he was pulling himself back. Giving an air of not wanting to be there, even though he remembered, being on that stage with Cassie was all he wanted to do back then. Mark’s guitar playing was sloppy, but fine. He tried his best to ignore Ethan’s drumming, just like he always did. Cassie’s bass and backing vocals were like a soothing drop of menthol. He got goosebumps listening to the way their voices seamlessly blended together like they were one. The memory was almost too much for Gabriel to handle, so he turned it off. This was meant to be a good trip, after all.
After rifling through a few other artifacts, he found what he was looking for… although he didn’t realize he was looking for it at the time. Clutching it tightly in his shaking hands, was an old photograph of the band. Cassie’s friend needed to do a portrait for her photography class, and Cassie, never one to pass up her photo being taken, volunteered the band for it. She was met with groans of indignation, but she convinced them that they would eventually need a band picture to put on flyers and merch, and this was the perfect opportunity.
Her friend tried to make it as low-key as possible, but Cassie was never one to downplay a production. She gave everyone a list of wardrobe possibilities and a set call time to be on the steps of their college’s library. Apparently it was during something called magic hour where the lighting would be at its’ peak.
Mark refused to let Cassie dictate his clothes and he ended up wearing a black button-down shirt that was two sizes too big and some ill-fitting jeans. He thought he would also look cool in a fedora. He didn’t look cool. He also looked so set apart from the rest of the band.
Ethan wore a patterned button-down short sleeve shirt, skinny(ish) jeans, vans, and his signature Ray Ban glasses. At the time Gabe thought he looked like a loser, but looking at the picture now, Gabe had to admit that he looked somewhat decent. Non-threatening. An every-man. Someone you would want to hang out with.
Gabe also refused Cassie’s wardrobe request, but she later admitted that she knew he would and she knew what he would wear and it would be perfect. He hadn’t bothered to comb his then-longish-locks, so his head was covered by a beanie that Cassie would often steal away from him on cold nights. He remembered it vaguely smelling of her during the photoshoot. He also wore a plain white tee-shirt that had some holes in it, but no pit stains, so that was a plus. His jeans were whichever ones had been discarded by his bed the night before. And to complete the look, he wore new, but battered looking boots his mother bought him for Hanukkah the year before. They were the one expensive thing he had owned and he felt proud to show them off. His look was effortless, but cool. Threatening, but sexy. The makings of Gabriel Luna, the international sex symbol.
But, it was Cassie who stole the show. Her normally mousey-brown hair had been dyed dark, almost raven-black and her normally wavy hair had been blowdried stick straight. Her eyes, which were already stunning against the dark locks, popped out even more underneath the dark eyeliner that lined her lids. And she was wearing a black and gray dress that hugged her in all the right places, but didn’t come off as slutty or revealing. She also wore expensive boots (or booties, in her case) that her parents also bought for her the Hanukkah prior. And there was a single rip in her stockings. At the time, Cassie had been pissed and wanted to postpone the shoot to run to CVS for another pair, but Ethan convinced her that it looked very rock and roll.
It did.
They all huddled around the steps in various states of sitting and standing. Gabe remembered the photoshoot seemed to stretch on and they all took turns in various positions, but the final product had been perfect. Gabe sat in the center of the stairs, staring straight into the camera with his puppy dog eyes and lips turned into a bemused smile. Cassie was to his left, in a kneeling position, mid-laugh. Gabe had put his hand back to quiet her, and she was making a flicking motion of her wrist. The effect made it look as though their hands were touching in an intimate embrace. Ethan stood just behind her, looking at her with such admiration that it just added to the glow around her. And Mark kind of hovered behind everyone else, as if he weren’t even a part of the picture at all. For all intents and purposes, he kind of wasn’t. Poor Mark. Always cast in the shadows.
Gabe stared at the picture for a long time trying to extract some meaning from it, but he was too high and too scared to give it the proper analysis it needed. When he couldn't take it anymore, he had the genius idea (or what he thought was genius) to call Mark.
Mark answered after a single ring.
“Ah-lo”
“Mark, it’s Gabe. Gabriel Luna.” He often gave his full name in case people didn’t realize who he was. It was only a select few that called him Gabe now. Perhaps he also did it as a reminder for himself.
“I know. We talked like an hour ago.” They did? Gabe couldn’t remember. The edges between truth and lies often got jumbled in his head.
“Oh, right. About me coming to the wedding.”
“You’re still in, right? I told Rachel and she’s so stoked. I hope she doesn’t leave me for you.” Gabe wasn’t sure how much of a joke that actually was, but he let it slide.
“Of course I’m still in. I just wanted to tell you Jenna won’t be able to make it.” He was met with silence. Gabe then realized Mark had no idea who Jenna was. And how would he. Gabe had never mentioned her. “My wife.” The word wife leaving his lips left a bitter taste in his mouth.
“Oh, no problem. I don’t think you had a plus one, anyway.”
“Okay, cool.” Gabe wanted to stay on the phone, but he realized he had nothing else to say. This was going to get awkward fast.
“I’m actually glad you called,” Mark continued, “Remember that sappy love song we wrote in college?” Gabe didn’t, but he said he did anyway. “It’s always been my dream to sing it at my wedding, but I’m a bit out of practice, so I was wondering…” Gabe couldn’t believe Mark was going to ask him to play. He should’ve known better. How could he expect to just show up at his old bandmate’s wedding and not be expected to perform. He was Gabriel Luna, after all.
“Sure, man. Whatever you want. Consider it a gift.”
“Awesome. You’re getting us an actual gift though, right?”
Gabe laughed, again unsure if it was a joke or not. In this case, it wasn’t.
“Uh, yeah. Just, um… send over the lyrics and sheet music and I’ll make it happen.”
“Okay. I think Ethan still has that stuff. He’s the best man, so he’ll be here tomorrow. Maybe Cassie can bring it on her way down on Friday, if Ethan already left.”
Cassie. Gabe had thought she’d be there, but this was the confirmation he needed. The mention of her name was enough to make him forget how much he loathed Ethan and was reconsidering his offer to attend at the thought of having to sit through Ethan’s speech. But, Cassie would be there. Holy shit. Gabe suddenly felt queasy and he couldn’t blame it entirely on the copious amounts of drugs he had consumed.
“Sounds good, man,” was all Gabe could mutter in a response. He rushed him off the phone and immediately went to locate that picture again. Surprisingly, that was the only photo he had of her. The downfalls of pre-camera-phone and Facebook friendships.
Gabe reached for his phone again, knowing it was a bad idea. All he wanted to do was see if her number was still in his phone. He scrolled through his contacts and found her name. CASSIE GREEN. Her name was one of the few that were all in caps because it had been one of the first he had plugged into his trusty old Nokia back in the day.
His finger hovered over her number. And before he could register what was happening, he heard her voice.
It sent a shockwave through his entire body.
“I’m glad to know you haven’t changed your number.”
It was the first thing he thought to say and he immediately regretted it. So, he did the one thing he always did in these situations.
He hung up.