Caught Up in You: Chapter 9
Only in Dreams (slightly NSFW)
Ethan planned to quickly drop off Mr. Poppins, go home, pack, work on his best man toast, and then maybe masturbate. Instead, he was somehow talked into having dinner with Lucinda and her new live-in boyfriend who had the obnoxious name of Hunter. Ethan naturally hated guys with trendy names. Names that delivered a certain kind of promise that the name bearer was never quite able to achieve. Ethan doubted Lucinda’s “Hunter” had ever hunted. He was probably a vegan or something. Ethan’s hatred of trendy things wasn’t just reserved for names. He hated anything trendy at all. He thought it ended up sounding pretentious, but what Ethan didn’t realize was he was the one who ended up sounding pretentious. A common complaint amongst his “critics”.
He hardly saw it that way, though. He knew what he liked and what he didn’t like. Gray areas simply didn’t exist in Ethan’s world. He lived firmly with the belief that things were either this or that. They couldn’t be both. He was either a sound engineer or a songwriter. Single or attached. Lazy or productive. Never both. To have opposing viewpoints on the same subject was confusing, so he just didn’t do it. Whenever someone described the idea of loving and hating something at the same time, the concept couldn’t compute in his brain. Things were how they were, or they weren’t. It was as simple as that. The only person who challenged this idea was Cassie. He somehow always felt conflicting thoughts about her at once. He knew he was going to text her as soon as he walked out of Lucinda’s place, but he still resented the fact that he had to listen to her cry and complain about being overlooked at work for the millionth time since she started working there. And yet, she continued to do so. He didn’t understand why she thought it was better to complain and be miserable, then make a change. And he really didn’t understand why she had any reason to complain at all. Sure, she wasn’t doing exactly what she wanted to be, but she got to go home to a warm body every night. Ethan imagined Scott and Cassie living in domestic bliss: having sex and a home-cooked meal, while he had to sit face-to-face with his ex and her stupid new boyfriend. It took everything in Ethan’s power to not crush his wine glass with his bare hands. He gently put the glass down. The glass he had bought that somehow made its’ way to Lucinda’s apartment. But he’s not bitter. Not at all.
“I just looked over at the oxygen tent, and this vision… I swear to god man, this ray of light, came sauntering towards me in her bearskin cap. I knew I was changed. I really did.” Hunter addressed this last part at Lucinda. Ethan looked away, but could still hear the unmistakable sound of kissing. Even Mr. Poppins looked ill. He cursed himself again for agreeing to sit through this shit.
It wasn’t that long ago that Ethan met Lucinda under similar circumstances. Except it was a bar and there was no bearskin cap. She had been a vision, however. There was no mistaking her beauty. Her curly black hair was never tamed or pulled away from her face. Her green, almond-shaped eyes glittered with mischief. Her body was always trim and tan. Ethan sometimes wondered if part of Cassie’s hatred of Lucinda had to do with her own envy about Lucinda’s looks. But he would never say that out loud. He felt guilty just thinking it. They also started dating in a particularly dicey time in his and Cassie’s friendship, but those details he tried to forget.
When Ethan and Lucinda first started dating, he could hardly believe she would look twice at him. He liked to consider himself a decent-looking guy, but Lucinda was breathtaking. And she towered over him like an Amazonian goddess. Maybe it was that disbelief that kept their relationship alive as long as it did. If he couldn’t have Cassie, settling for a gorgeous free-spirited woman hardly seemed like settling at all.
As was his dynamic with Cassie, Ethan found himself firmly planted in the friend zone with most women he tried to date. And for the most part, that was okay with him. He appreciated the intimacy of a close friendship, and even at thirty-one, he felt no real need to settle down yet. It just seemed like a lot of work, and Ethan wasn’t a fan of hard work aside from his actual job that paid him. As long as he had a good book, a sliver of sun to lay in, and Mr. Poppins, he was quite content. Sure, a family would eventually be nice. Or maybe it wouldn’t. His nieces and nephews tended to get on his nerves when he spent time with them. He couldn’t imagine having to be responsible for a child twenty-four, seven.
When Cassie first told him her and Scott were going to start “trying” for a baby (which he also knew to mean they’d be fucking… a lot, a thought he tried to push back that thought as far as he could), the first thing he felt was surprise. Not that Cassie wouldn’t be a fantastic mother, he thought she’d be amazing. She took care of everyone around her, so taking care of her own offspring seemed like a natural progression. He was surprised because of how far away he was from feeling the same way. Having kids seemed like something “adults” should be doing, and he felt like they were still kids in college. He read somewhere that Gabe had a baby. He could only imagine what a disaster that was. And the thought of Mark having a child sent an actual chill down his spine.
Maybe there was a part of Ethan that never wanted to grow up. He had a slight Peter Pan complex and longed for simplicity in his life. Marriage and starting a family seemed like the opposite of simple. Sometimes he’d think that he wasn’t cut out for that kind of life. He certainly never felt compelled to buy Lucinda a ring, and she was the only woman who he considered a girlfriend. His mother would tell him he just hadn’t found the right girl yet, but he knew his mother was wrong. He had found the right girl nearly 14 years ago. She was just in love with somebody else at the time. And when she was available, she didn’t love him back. He had to push her out of his head, and on most days he could with ease. Especially on the days she clearly used him for weed and to complain. But, on the days where his loneliness consumed his aching heart, it became unbearable. In some ways, Ethan’s life had been a series of distractions to keep his feelings for Cassie at bay.
He knew he wasn’t in love with her. He didn’t even know if they would’ve had a lasting relationship. He’d seen the depths of Cassie’s depression (thanks to Gabe, of course) and for someone who craved austerity, those were depths he didn’t want to tread. Still, he knew if there was anyone he could settle down with, it’d be her. As much as he hated to admit it. The idea of being at Mark’s wedding together when she would invariably look gorgeous while on the arms of another man filled him with dread. It would be like college all over again, but this time, there’d be slightly different players. He didn’t even consider Gabe would show up, so at least he didn’t have to worry about him.
That had been part of the reason writing his toast had been so hard. He was trying to avoid this wedding by all means possible. He kept thinking that maybe he’d at least have a plus one by the time the day rolled around. Nothing serious, but someone to be by his side so that he didn’t feel like he had “single” tattooed across his forehead. But, the wedding day quickly approached and he still found himself dateless. He had considered bringing the bartender he had been on and off hooking up with for the past few months, but that seemed like an awful big commitment for someone who didn’t know his last name. And then Mark sealed the deal last week when he called him to make sure he knew he didn’t get a plus one. Apparently Mark’s fiancee thought plus ones were only for people who have been living together for at least a year. No exceptions. Not even for the best man.
“That’s why we really shouldn’t trap our feet in shoes all day, man. It’s just not good for our… soles.” Hunter giggled like a teenage girl, which gave Ethan the slightest satisfaction. He knew Lucinda would only be able to withstand that foible for a few months. “Get it… sole like a foot sole, but also soul like… your soul. It’s deep.” That it wasn’t, Ethan smugly thought, but he nodded along. Lucinda passed him a joint. That joint had been his saving grace during the dinner. Ethan’s suspicions about Hunter being a vegan were confirmed (and give Ethan another sense of satisfaction that his name was quite ironic). What was worse, “Hunter” reported to Ethan that Lucinda was “really responding to the lifestyle.” That made Ethan almost bolt for the door. But the dread of going home to his empty apartment yet again outweighed his disgust of tofu. And when Hunter extended the invitation to stay for dinner, despite Lucinda’s wary glance, Ethan couldn’t find a reason to say no. A man could only stomach so much take out. He almost invited the Thai delivery man inside to watch the game with him last week.
It wasn’t that Ethan didn’t have friends (besides Cassie, of course). He had a group of guy friends that he met at SDSU’s watch party events. They even had a weekly poker game (not that he played) and a monthly book club (when they all weren’t too busy to read). He liked all of them fine, but he mainly liked having a place to go watch football. Cassie would go with him at first, but after she started dating Scott (who is not a sports guy, by any means), she preferred to spend her weekends with him doing non-sports-things. Ethan couldn’t blame her. The guys in the group all had families or lives that just didn’t interest Ethan. He might call up one or two to grab a drink every once in awhile, but they certainly weren’t going to be grabbing dinner anytime soon. And he definitely wasn’t going to tell any of them anything personal.
Ethan passed the joint back to Lucinda. Their fingers grazed against each other for a fraction of a second and Ethan was brought back to the times they used to touch like that without effort. His hand finding hers during a show, car ride, camping trip, wherever— her delicate and long fingers wrapping around his in some sort of promise. His hand grazing against her breasts— small perfect mounds that darkened into the color of figs around her nipples. His hand finding its way into the inside of her panties...
“It’s getting kind of late. What time were you planning on hitting the road tomorrow, E.P.?” Lucinda’s own voice roused him from his tempting thoughts. He also knew this was a not-so-subtle way of telling him to kindly get the fuck out. She was the only one that ever called him EP. At first he hated it because wanting to be a musician and having a music moniker seemed a bit too much. But, over the years he got used to the nickname and her being the sole person to use it.
“Early. The rehearsal isn’t until five, but Mark wants everyone to check in with him in person by twelve.” He hoped she would make a comment about how ridiculous Mark was being, but she just nodded as if there wasn’t anything batshit crazy about that statement.
Ethan rose from his chair. He made a show of putting his dishes in the sink, without going through the effort of actually washing them. He waited for Lucinda or Hunter to tell him to not worry about it. He was a guest, after all. They didn’t. He kneeled down to Mr. Poppins and pet his head.
“Be a good boy, okay? I’ll be back in a few days.”
Hunter also kneeled down next to Mr. Poppins. “Don’t worry, mate. We’ll take good care of Mr. Poppins. Won’t we, boy?” He petted his head and Mr. Poppins let out a warning growl. Hunter quickly stood as Lucinda crouched down to admonish the dog. Ethan never felt prouder of the little guy. He imagined Mr. Poppins sinking his fangs into Hunter’s flesh, drawing blood and a fearful scream from Hunter. Sometimes Ethan wished he could attack without warning. But, both Mr. Poppins and Ethan were too well-trained for that sort of behavior.
The growl was enough to send Ethan back to his car with a whistle on his lips and a spring in his step. If Mr. Poppins wasn’t a fan of Lucinda’s beau, it was only a matter of time before he was kicked to the curb. Ethan could already picture picking up his pooch on Monday and being greeted by a tearful Lucinda telling him that her and Hunter didn’t work out. He’d of course have to comfort her and that would of course lead to comfort sex.
Ethan was so delighted that he pulled out his cell phone before he even got into the car and text Cassie, just like he knew he would.