Complicated Grief
...or grieving the loss of Maggie Smith, Gavin Creel, and current cycles
Often times when a celebrity dies— especially if it’s a celebrity I feel a particular kinship, too, I struggle with feelings of “complicated grief.” If I didn’t know someone personally, am I even allowed to grieve them?
I remember the first time I really struggled with this concept was when Princess Diana died. I was twelve and happened to be battling chicken pox at the time, so I was primed for any distraction. I remember feeling the weight of grief at the shocking and sudden passing of this beloved icon. What made things even more complicated was my Grandfather knew Mohammed Al Fayed, Princess Diana’s companion’s father, so it felt like this strange “six degrees of grief.” My mom and I woke up early to watch her funeral and it felt like some sort of catharsis… or at least that’s how I like to remember it.
There’s been quite a few celebrity deaths since then that have rocked me to my core and left me with an unmistakable feeling of sorrow— Robin Williams, Bob Saget, Heath Ledger… just to name a few, but mainly when a celebrity dies, I feel a little sad, allow myself to read a few touching tributes, and can pretty much move on.
And then a few weeks ago, I heard the news of Maggie Smith’s passing and I felt the unmistakable quiver in my chest. Like most millennial American children, my introduction to the Dame came from Hook— the movie I watched nearly every day for an entire summer. At the time, Wendy was my favorite Disney character and I was completely blown away by this woman playing her. In film school, I got to see that my beloved “wendy” and “nun from sister act” was also a brilliant (and stunning) actor, and Tea with the Dames, just made me appreciate and love her even more. So, that loss was hard, especially as it was coming at a time when I felt a lot of loss around me (see previous post).
That didn’t prepare me for the grief that would follow when I found out Gavin Creel died. For those that don’t know who he is, you clearly aren’t a true Broadway fan. I discovered Gavin during my Spring Awakening obsession and knew him as the guy that “originated the role” and was also dating JGroff, but then I heard him sing music from “Hair” and my Gavin obsession took on a whole new level.
I only got to meet him once and it was in passing when I was developing a pilot about Vaudeville. He was so kind and handsome and full of life, and I could barely string together words to form a sentence. Every couple of years, someone would be interested in re-developing the pilot and I’d grow hopeful about getting the opportunity to work with someone like Gavin.
I dropped my phone when I found out he passed away. It just seemed so sudden and so unfair. Thankfully my social media is filled with broadway nerds and we were all sharing our immense grief at losing this bright light. It really says something about a person whose legacy is rooted in both their talent, but also (and perhaps more importantly) their kindness.
Not a lot of people knew him by name, and there was a ton of controversy about whether or not all the theaters would dim their lights for him (a Broadway tradition), but there is no doubt about his impact. I hope they do end up dimming the lights for him because he certainly was a bright light for all of us dreamers. I can be sad about it; I guess it’s not that complicated, after all.