How to Celebrate Thanksgiving... when there's not much to be thankful for

Can you tell it's not my favorite holiday?

I’ve never been the biggest fan of Thanksgiving— even as a kid the idea of making construction paper pilgrims and turkeys seemed “not cool.”

However, Thanksgiving really took a turn for me when 7 years ago I had an abortion and terminated my much-wanted pregnancy... the day before everyone was supposed to celebrate how grateful they were! I grieved, I wrote a play about it, and I watched a lot of Peter Hedges’ brilliant Thanksgiving movie, “Pieces of April.” I figured out how to move on, even with a broken heart and world.

Right when I thought I was starting to somewhat heal from this immense loss, my ex-husband walked out on me and my son Thanksgiving weekend 4 years ago. So yeah, having two traumatic events, both of which happen to surround “loss of family” during a time that the emphasis is on family and gratitude is really fucking “not cool.”

This year I have the added bonus of not being with my son on Thanksgiving for the first time ever. It’s a feeling that has me vacillating between freedom and fear, and doing everything I can to not to wallow in sadness. I’ve had to tell nearly every person in my life this week, “I don’t know how I’ll be. I’m just being flexible with myself and practicing radical self care.”

…and I am. For the next few days, I’m going to be holed up working on my feature— an original idea that’s been stewing inside me for awhile and I finally figured out the piece that was missing. The last time I’ve felt this energized about writing something this personal was, well… my play that I started writing 7 years ago and led to a complete career change and trajectory. So, that’s exciting.

I’m also focusing on the incredible grocery fund I started, which is so close to raising 250k. I sent the 2300th grant yesterday, which feels like such a substantial and huge milestone, especially when you think about the fact I wanted to send money to 2 people. There’s been an uptick in applications with the holidays approaching, and I’m trying to send as many grants as possible this week. To that end, if you’re reading this and are able to donate, that would make my heart very full. It is the season of giving, after all.

I hope that no matter what Thanksgiving looks like for you this year— whether it’s throwing yourself into work and good deeds to heal your broken heart, or if it’s spending a day filled with food and family— you find something to be thankful for. No matter how bleak things are, there’s always something to be thankful for. It’s that hope that allows me to get through this week.

And yes, I’ll also be watching Pieces of April, and my own Thankgiving-themed TV episode of Ordinary Joe.

I’m so thankful for all of you.