I Am Capable
How getting ditched at the Y by my ex taught me a valuable life lesson
Disclaimer: This is based on an emotionally true story.
I knew this past week was going to be a doozy. My son was on week two of camp, and I had a new work assignment and a campaign to launch. In other words, it needed to be as “all-hands-on-deck” as I would allow it. So imagine my delight when my ex-husband texted me at 7am Monday morning asking to help with camp drop-off.
Just a bit of backstory: I have full custody, but my ex and I do (in my opinion!) a very good job at co-parenting. Plus, I made a rule to myself that when my ex wanted to see our son, I would ensure that happened.
In between my morning meditation and journaling, I texted my ex back with an enthusiastic “yes!” and told him we’d leave around 8.45, so he could come anytime between then and 8.30. I was grateful for the extra hands, and my son was thrilled he’d get an unexpected visit with his dad. Win-win. We stumbled through the hectic Monday morning routine as my anxiety and to-do list piled up in my head. Remembering the positive self-talk I meditated on just moments earlier, I attempted to talk myself down.
“It’s fine. You’ll be home by 9.30 and will have the whole day to figure it out,” I reminded myself. I took a deep breath.
The doorbell rang at 8.15. My ex was early, but it was a good thing… now he could help get my son ready and I could quickly walk my dog while replying to emails and trying to figure out travel accommodations.
“Maybe on the car ride home, you and I can discuss logistics about the week,” I said to my ex while strapping on my dog’s leash. He nodded, and then I headed out the door, relishing the fresh air and the quiet moment.
When I returned a few minutes later, my son was (mostly) dressed and we were ready to go. I reminded my son to grab the lunch I made for him and the water bottle that I had filled up for him.
I went to grab my keys. “Do you want me to drive, or do you want to?” I asked my ex.
My ex shrugged. “I can drive.”
We headed down to the garage while my ex rearranged his car to accommodate the car seat and extra person (me). My son and I sat in the back together and practiced lines. My ex remained quiet during the short five-minute car ride.
We pulled into the parking lot, and I once again had to remind myself to keep my anxiety in check so I could focus on my kid’s growing anxiety about camp. “You’re going to do great!” I reminded him, and then I noticed my ex had taken out a giant gym bag from the front seat.
He had asked me about being able to use the Y’s facilities while my son was attending camp, but I still stood slack-jawed in front of him. Surely he would’ve mentioned if he was planning to use the gym NOW, when I assumed he’d be my ride home.
“Are you going to the gym?” I questioned, trying to keep the edge out of my voice.
“Yeah.”
“So, I’ll walk home, I guess….? ? ?”
…
We started walking toward the front entrance. He didn’t acknowledge the very important question I just asked, and my son was focused on his own fears. I took a deep breath and reminded my son he was going to do great. And then I reminded myself that I would be fine.
We signed my son in and then said goodbye. My ex headed to the gym (presumably) and I started walking home in the heat without a water bottle, proper shoes, or a bra.
I started to think about all the near-impossible things I had to do this week and how ridiculous it is that it started with being abandoned at the Y by my ex-husband. There was a metaphor in there somewhere, but I was too pissed to appreciate it.
“Why do I have to rearrange my entire morning because of him?” I thought to myself.
Then I remembered how many times I’ve had to do that in my life— not just because of him (although admittedly he did provide one of the biggest shake-ups with that thing called divorce), but the sheer amount of times I expected one outcome for it to be something completely different.
Newsflash: THIS IS CALLED LIFE AND IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!
By the time I got home, I realized a sweaty walk was probably exactly what I needed that morning. No matter what else the week had in store, I was reminded I am someone who finds a way home, even when they are ditched by their ex at the YMCA.
I am capable… always. And so are you, darling readers.