When the Wind Blows
“Just as the wind changes direction, so does life.”
Anytime there’s wind in Los Angeles, I prepare for chaos. I despise the wind. Not only does it do a number on my allergies (and give me a migraine that lasts for days), it seems to kick up all sorts of bad mojo. Thankfully, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend has an amazing song about those damn Santa Ana’s that sums it up well:
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Santa Ana Winds
Halloween as a single-parent is pretty much a full-time job. The stress of the season is compounded when you don’t have an income and have to explain to your son that mommy can’t afford certain things this year. Thankfully, I did get to make one of his Halloween dreams come true in the form of getting to trick-or-treat with his two best friends. It ended up being a very fun (but exhausting) night, and I was so relieved that in the middle of my ennui I was able to make a happy core memory for my kid. Again, sometimes parenting just means forcing yourself to do the things you have to do.
The next day I woke up in incredible pain. I’ve been thankful that during the strike I haven’t had to endure any chronic pain issues, but as soon as the strike ended, I’ve been plagued with it. It got so bad yesterday that I wasn’t able to move my neck for most of the day. When you’re already feeling helpless, nothing makes that feeling worse than being relegated to the couch unable to move.
Sprinkle in some PMDD, a triggering moment (or 2), and managing to somehow get a metal splinter in my hand— you see how this had all the makings for a “woe is me” week. Instead of trying to smile and move past it like I normally do, I actually embraced the chaos.
I let myself be sad about being overlooked, or not getting invited to the fancy party, or all the million other things that are going on right now that feel so shitty. I didn’t wallow (at least I hope I’m not), but I’m being transparent: I am not okay right now. I will be. I always am. But right now is not one of those times.
The winds kick up chaos, but they eventually die down, and that’s when L.A. is the clearest and most beautiful. I know the chaos in my life right now will settle down eventually, too, and hopefully bring with it a newfound clarity.